Romance scams: is this date real?
Romance scams are not about foolish people but about lonely moments. The scammer builds a bond for weeks — and only then asks for money. Here is how to recognise it before it gets that far.
The profile is attractive, the photos professional, the job adventurous: engineer on an oil rig, soldier on a mission, doctor with an aid organisation. The contact is intense: messages every day, a quick “I love you”. Meeting never quite works out. Then comes the emergency: a medical bill, customs fees for a parcel, a ticket to finally come.
Money is the goal, but not always immediately. Sometimes you are asked to forward a parcel or “receive some money and pass it on” — then you are a money mule without knowing it, and that is a crime.
How to spot it
- 1Too intense too fast.Within days “darling”, “my future”, “I have never felt like this”. Real relationships start slower.
- 2Meeting is never possible.Abroad, on a mission, ill, visa. There is always a reason, and the reason comes with a story.
- 3Video calls never work.Bad connection, broken camera, “forbidden on the base”. A real person can video call for a minute.
- 4The photos exist elsewhere.Search the photo via Google Images or TinEye. Found under another name? Done.
- 5An emergency involving money.Hospital, customs, stolen wallet, ticket. Or: “would you receive a parcel for me?”
- 6Away from the platform.Straight to WhatsApp or Telegram, where the dating site cannot watch.
A real example, taken apart
- Two weeks, and already “darling” and “nobody else”.
- Customs fees withheld by an employer do not exist.
- The promise to repay after arrival is the bait — the arrival never comes.
What you do
- Do the photo check.Google Images or TinEye. Takes a minute and unmasks most profiles.
- Ask for a video call.Short, spontaneous, now. Every excuse is an answer.
- Talk to someone about it.A friend or relative reading the conversation from outside sees in five minutes what you no longer see after weeks.
- Never send money — and never receive it.Receiving and forwarding money for someone else makes you complicit in money laundering, even if you did not know.
- Report the profile.To the dating site and to the Fraudehelpdesk. Already paid? Call your bank and file a police report.
Never do this
- Transfer money to someone you have never met in person.
- Receive or forward a parcel for an online contact.
- Share intimate photos with someone you do not know — see the sextortion guide.
Dossiers of this kind
1,574 dossiers in our database match this kind — counted by what they are, not estimated. A few:
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Questions people ask
I am ashamed. Do I really have to report this?
Yes, and you are in good company: thousands of Dutch people a year. A police report helps trace accounts, and the Fraudehelpdesk warns others. Slachtofferhulp Nederland offers free support.
How do I know whether a profile uses someone else’s photos?
Save the photo and search with it at images.google.com (camera icon) or tineye.com. If the photo appears under another name, a model or an actor, the profile is fake.
Can a scammer really chat for months for a few hundred euros?
Yes. It is usually organised groups running dozens of conversations at once from a script, and the amounts run into tens of thousands.
Paste it into the checker. Thirty seconds, and you know what others already saw.